These times are difficult. It’s so easy to get hyper focused on what’s not going right, what’s not working and how angry I am. Here’s the thing, my fault lies within not being able to pause, step back and realize that he’s going through pain as well. Pain in such ways I haven’t experienced, pain in ways I am experiencing beside him. He works towards building this future, everything he does he’s doing to build some stability in our home, for our family. Why is it when I am so upset, so deeply wounded that I cannot see that?
Perhaps it’s because this is all a new experience for me. A new situation. Something in which I need to grow from. To step back and spend more time in my appreciation room side of the brain. He does it. Lord knows I am a crazy mix in the winter season but he stood by me. He did his best to be here for me. He didn’t leave. And oh boy did I try to get him to. I pushed, I cried, I yelled, I just didn’t want anyone to be near me if they didn’t have to, but he often reminded me that he is in this for the long haul. He truly loves me and our life. Sure the moment we are in sucks, the situation sucks but if we can find some magical memory of who we are together, the love we have committed to each other then we can get through it.
Ay, he is better at that than I. This is something I am working on. I can see the bigger picture in the good times. I can see the love in the good times. I have foggy vision and head right to that depreciation room of my brain when times are tough. Yet I have a man who stands by me. Who purposefully loves ME. I thought I was doing the same for him, but consumed with stress, winter funk and other things on my plate, I stopped purposefully loving him so today I take a moment to redirect, to focus … because he is right when he says making decisions when angry will be regrettable ones. For when we are angry we aren’t using much of our reasoning skills and we neglect to see what truly matters …
What I appreciate about Him
- He loves me when I am weak.
- He rises to the challenge of knowing the best and worst parts of me so that he can be a better partner and person in our relationship.
- He knows how to focus on his appreciation room and remember why it is that he made the decision to love me.
- He works hard, even through pain, to try to make life easier for me even though he doesn’t have to nor did I ask him to.
- While he’s struggling with his own physical and emotional pain, he hugs me and makes a point to tell me that he truly loves me.
- He cooks dinner and cleans when he sees my plate is full. He also steps back and lets me do those things when he can see it matters to me to do them.
- He has made it his mission to love without conditions and while I don’t always see, there’s little things he says and does that make me realize this is true.
- He tries to get me to see things in a different way, outside of society’s norm, and gives me a chance to grow as a person and as his partner.
The list of what I appreciate about him could go on, but for today amidst a terrible night hanging over into the today, I wanted to take a moment to share what I appreciate about him. For it’s him and I who live behind these doors with our two doggies, three kiddos and a guinea pig. It is only him and I who know the true depth of our love and commitment. It is only him and I who know each other’s imperfections and still opt in for the long haul.
Learning to Hear and Appreciate
While I can’t begin to realize what’s going on with him, I know he’s told me things that matter and I need to learn how to appreciate that about him. That he takes the time to try to tell me, even when I continuously fail to hear what he’s saying. I have no idea what our future holds, all I know is that right now at this very moment, I just want to grab ahold of him, hug him and tell him I want the solution to involve us …. I want for him to feel better, feel stronger and proud because he’s done so many things that I lose sight of in the moment to make sure I’m not stressed. To make sure I have time for him and my kids. He does these things with the long term picture in his mind, yet I allow my thoughts to get the best of me at times and it boils down to pushing him away without realizing that’s what I am doing.
Give a Hug, Practice Silence
So today, if you find yourself pushing a loved one away, take some time to show them love. Give them a hug and say no words, for words can cause hurt amidst a bumpy path and the mission of a relationship is to help encourage each other to reach for the stars, heal and be better as both individuals and a couple. If you take a moment to head to the appreciation side of your brain I am confident that you will also see how much you have to appreciate about your partner in life. I stopped reading The Love Dare, but I will be honest, I need to start back up again because that book was certainly helping me be the strength I need to be while my love works through things that he’s told me bother him, while he works to rise up above his accident and find himself again. While I love him purposefully because that’s the commitment we made to EACH OTHER.
The Love Dare
The Love Dare reminds me of the patient, loving person I am deep within, buried under the stressors of today and if reading it helps me be a better partner to him, then so be it. I want him to reach for the stars, he is a brilliant man with so many big ideas, he amazes me and to this day he can still give me goosebumps. Sometimes with just a look, I feel my heart flutter. To me, we have real love, the kind that can last a lifetime but first we need to get through this tough time that has consumed 7 months of us, get through it together that is. I hope we can pass from today and accept that we are angry but that we deserve to remember what we appreciate about each other and that commitment we made to love each other through the good and bad … because that matters more than anything else.
I guess the whole point behind writing this was that right now I don’t know what’s happening, I can barely eat and things are not so great, but I do know that there’s a lot to appreciate. I do know the accident changed him and it played a toll on us both in different ways. It’s been 7 months now and I think we both have hit the end of our line. I feel drained, frustrated, hurt and it all comes out in angry words. So today, I needed to find a way to remember what I appreciate because the only way to get out of a rut is to climb upwards. Whatever is meant to happen, will happen but it won’t negate the fact that these are the things I do appreciate about him regardless of the outcome from what is going on now.