Perhaps Love is a Commitment of Two People Who Grow Together
Ask anyone who has been married for many years and they will tell you that they had their challenges. No marriage or relationship lasts the long haul on sunshine and rainbows. Sure, this is coming from someone who could barely hold a relationship together for much longer than a few years, never mind a century but perhaps my short term relationships and divorce taught me some valuable lessons to be a better partner for the one later in life. There are some things I have learned from talking with my late Great Grandmother and others who have been married for what seems like forever, such as my Aunt and Uncle.
Stick It Out
Those who have stuck together through the good, the bad and the indifferent have amazed me since I was a little girl. Being born to two teen parents and having watched many relatives and people around me get wed more than once, often times up to four or five times, I grew up thinking that marriage was a sham. I wasn’t the little girl who dreamed of living in a house with a white picket fence, a husband by my side and kids running in the yard. That dream wasn’t mine. My honest to truth dream was to grow up, become an accountant and work with numbers. Kids and husband, well that didn’t really play a part in the forefront of my mind.
Time Went On
As time has gone on, I have had three children. One with a failed relationship but her father is involved and has always been involved. Two with a then husband who is now my ex-husband, but we co-parent very well together. My life hasn’t always gone as I had hoped but it always seems to work out just fine. As I sit here typing this, my other half, the man who I feel deeply connected to is working away at some coding project and I glance over to him and smile. He has become the man that I want to be better with, grow old with and love through the good, the bad and the indifferent.
For the first time in my life, I have Faith that this relationship will work out. It’s not because I simply focus on the positive and it’s not because I need him in my life. We both know that we can survive without each other and perhaps that’s just what keeps us united in many ways. We have opted to commit to our love, to love each other through all of the times when we just want to ring each other’s neck and times when I am crying in the shower because my feelings were unintentionally hurt. Not once do I think of leaving him, not since we have grown as close as we have.
You see, I think it takes time for two people to form that everlasting bond. It starts with infatuation, it grows to love and it is solidified by this bond that grows deeper with each day. When I look at him I see our future. I see the man I want to stand by forever. Yes, even when I am utterly upset with him for whatever silly reason, I still have a piece of soul deeply connected to him. I have learned that our relationship will not always be the sunshine and rainbows I desire, but if we are truly committed to the long term love and togetherness, that we can get through anything.
Perhaps that’s what the image of a little childhood dream is, the picket fence, a spouse and kids running around. The dream isn’t that of a fairy tale, but of an everlasting bond of love and commitment to someone who feels the same and will continue to grow with you, rather than against you as time goes on.