Brandy Ellen Writes

NH Blogger|New England Traveler|Positive Thinker|WAHM
Growing Together {or not} in a Relationship

Growing Together {or not} in a Relationship

You can’t grow together in a relationship if you both have very different views on life. For example, you both need similar experiences or a high level of empathy in order to truly survive the test of time when it comes to growing together in a relationship. Both parties have to bring some level of personal experience to the plate or else one is going to start feeling completely alone, unable to discuss important-to-them topics and in time the relationship just fades. Parenting, for example, if you are a devoted parent who takes this job seriously and is involved with your kids, being with someone who doesn’t hold that same belief or hasn’t experienced that level of emotional connection with a human being that they created, won’t work well with you OR will it will take that person having a high level of empathy to really get what you are saying during difficult parenting situations.

Whether you are looking to grow together in a relationship or determining if this relationship is really right for you, these tips will help guide you forward in making the ultimate decision to grow together or apart.

Growing Together {or not} in a Relationship

Similar Beliefs

Be it religion, politics and just everyday beliefs of society and how things should be, both you and your partner should be able to discuss most of these topics and feel as if you are on similar pages. Albeit, the same page isn’t important, but similar pages matter as a means to be compassionate towards each other and ensure each feels like they have a supportive partner. Without this mindset, it will break you trying to grow together in a relationship because you will be forced to either shut up about topics near and dear to you or fight to get your partner to see that they aren’t being compassionate and in turn, you’ve shut down.

Relationships Take Work

No matter what your beliefs are and what you’re dealing with, any relationship will take work. Hard work. Effort from both parties. It is said that you should continue to date your partner, sure life gets busy and sometimes the focus is on making sure you make ends meet, but when that is said and done, be sure to date your partner. You should always feel as if there’s an actual connection, be it physical or emotional. If you are found questioning what you are in this relationship for then perhaps you need to realize that you both won’t grow together. No one person should be left out in the dark feeling alone when they are in a relationship, not on a regular basis.

Open Communication

Do all conversations go something like you discuss what is going on that makes you feel this way and your partner turns it around to something that makes them feel that way and you both go round and round in circles until finally you either get into a huge fight or you just shut up? Yeah, that isn’t a good sign. If you are found feeling like there’s no such thing as open communication and you’ve shut down on discussing any of your unresolved issues, then there’s something deeper going on and it could simply be something that is serious enough to realize that you two won’t be able to grow together in a relationship.

Are you on Guard?

Do you find that you are constantly on guard? That you have to protect certain pieces of information because when you share them, they run off and chat about your private matters, beliefs, and opinions with others? That is a HUGE no-no. What you confide in with your partner should be sacred and kept within the walls of where it was discussed privately. This goes back to similar beliefs, if you both have different beliefs in such a way that they go and run their mouth to another about it, this breaks your trust. When trust is broken, at any level, growing together in a relationship simply won’t work. Know when you are on guard more often than not and when things reach unhealthy for you, put yourself first.

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There is no one solution that fits all but each of these tidbits shared today should help guide you in a way that inspires you to put yourself first, put your kids first (if you have any) and make a positive change for your life. You have to let go of worrying about hurting someone else, or their backlash, find a supportive group of friends who will be your emotional support and get out. Life is far too short to live in a relationship where you truly believe you can’t grow together.

And if you’re someone who feels that their partner is growing apart from you, perhaps it’s time to look in the mirror and figure out how you truly feel about them. Make changes based on whether or not this person who has grown away from you matters in the long haul, get help, seek guidance and make sure that you never stop making your partner feel like they matter.

Conclusion on Growing Together

The end result of this blog post is that you are who are you, you will ultimately have this gut instinct as to whether something is or is not working; make changes that allow you to grow toether in this relationship or make a decision to grow apart. Whatever decision you make, be sure it’s the right one for you based on what you feel deep within, not just on a surface emotion based on a big fight or disagreement.

Brandy Ellen is a born and raised NH resident who enjoys living life to the fullest. Raising 3 kids and a pug, Brandy spends her free time writing for her two blogs – ParentInfluence and Brandy EllenWrites. Brandy is also a ghostwriter for other blogs, click here to hire Brandy to write for you.

10 comments found

  1. Wonderful post with some really good points! The older I get the more important shared beliefs (especially faith) are to me in a relationship. I’m single and that is one thing I really look for with men I date.

  2. I’ve been married for almost 15 years and boy, it really takes so much work. We all change whether we like it or not. What I learned is that each has to do his/her share.

  3. I readily agree that if you are not on the same page about certain things, you will not make it very far. We had a rough time agreeing on our children’s discipline.

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