Brandy Ellen Writes

NH Blogger|New England Traveler|Positive Thinker|WAHM
Boundaries, Communication and Doing too Much

Boundaries, Communication and Doing too Much

Recently I have been listening to some positive, inspirational and motivational talks on YouTube. Since the radio stopped working in our vehicle, the cell phone setup on dashboard out of site is used to have a YouTube playlist playing for something to listen to. At first I used this method to listen to music, that’s the whole reason I need a radio working in my vehicle, I use music to transition from various tasks in my life and since I no longer do that within the home – having something play in the car in between my various tasks needs to happen. Driving in the vehicle to and from school for kids is the only time I can use music for a transition.

Boundaries, Communication and Doing too Much

So let me start over, recently I have been listening to some positive, inspirational and motivational talks on YouTube in the car because it’s helping get the inner peace back for me. I am not only using these talks as a transitional tool but as a motivational tool to keep my eye on the prize and mind on the proper path that I need to feel inner peace again. Each of the talks I listen to don’t share new information with me, after all, I trained myself to live by the Law of Attraction rules a long time ago without even knowing training your mind was a thing. These talks are simply being utilized as a tool to get me back on the path to positivity and learning to be okay with upsetting others if it means I am living by my own personal beliefs, morals, and ways of life.

Issue One – Boundaries

All too often I say yes in my personal life to things that I should otherwise say no to. I say yes to curb the anxious stomach I get that then makes me crippled to the point I can’t do my work. As a content creator, aka a ghostwriter, for many clients, I cannot have anxiety on full force or my creative mind goes out the window. I had started to simply let life pass me by as a means to keep anxiety low and peace within my kids and my life. This was a bad idea. Saying yes or letting life pass me by wasn’t doing anything except curbing one issue and creating a whole boatload of others. Listening to these talks on YouTube has helped inspire me to say no more and stand up for wrongful actions. I am learning to let go of the fear of someone else’s response to my standing up for what I believe in and being okay with living for what makes me feel complete. It’s hard. Anxiety goes up and down with this method but eventually, it will all even out as I learn to set more boundaries to live a lifestyle that makes me feel whole again.

Issue Two – Communication

For far too many years I have pushed down things that have happened to me. I play the card that they aren’t that important in the bigger picture of life, I survive, they happened and I move on. The issue with this is that I really am lacking the proper communication tools to set the boundaries and acknowledge wrongful actions. I neglect to listen to and speak from my gut instincts, instead I speak in a way that either starts a full-fledged argument as a means to get that person to set that I am deeply wounded from having to hold issues back or to simply get it out because I pushed the issues down so far for too long that they boil outward. Listening to these YouTube talks has inspired me to communicate more. Surely I don’t say things properly every time, I am a human being reworking my boundary and communication skills. What does happen when I start to work on communication, be it effective for the other person or not, is that I feel more inner peace because I let it out. I acknowledged it and stated the issue, even if it doesn’t get resolved or starts a defensive, argument that leads nowhere quickly.

Issue Three – Helping Others Too Much

Lastly, this issue I have started to deal with goes along with issue number one – boundaries. We went through a pretty terrible accident over a year ago which left me taking care of my boyfriend. I had to work harder, I had to work longer and I had to learn to juggle my three kids plus my boyfriend’s doctor visits as well as help him in new ways because he couldn’t walk. That period of my life brought back the person who used to do too much for others. I would help and help and give and give until I felt completely depleted. While the extreme example of a boyfriend getting hurt isn’t something that anyone can help but be the person they need to be out of love, it was shared as an example of a point in time when I started helping others too much again. When my boyfriend got better, I continued to feel like I had to help him, and I didn’t, nor did he want me to. He also was impacted by this accident and wanted his independence back. I continued to work the long hours that I had to work when he was hurt, but the reality is he should have been working harder to make up for the time I put in. Some days, that’s how I feel but I am not one for tit for tat, I don’t think life is fair or even, but what I have realized is that I do a heck of a lot for people when I am not being asked to and don’t need to.  I often do more than is necessary because of the workaholic and helper personalty I have. This is something I am working on letting go of again, for my responsibilities of caretaking is only for my three kids. My boyfriend is better so to speak and can walk, think and work now.

Resolve – Soul Searching and Being Me Again

There was a lot of pain in the last few years of my life. A lot of soul searching and a lot of me giving up who I was, and giving up things I needed to stay sane. I lost a piece of me while creating a relationship and lifestyle that, I thought, was for me. In reality I was giving up my personal boundaries, saying yes too often and doing more than I needed to and in turn, my inner peace and happiness wilted. Most of what wilted wasn’t because of bad things, it was just me being who I am but going a bit further than I should have in being loving and caring. There is a balance, and I neglected to maintain balance. These are all choices I made, no one tied my hand behind my back and made me say yes more, do more or communicate less effectively – these are all just the after effects of a person who fell in love, got busy and dealt with an emergency scenario. As I listen to these YouTube talks, I find my confidence again. I feel better about myself. I remember that I matter and that the happy, bubbly person I was, is who I am.

I enjoy being the hyper, happy Brandy and I am resolving to be that person again. Each day is a new step in the right direction and for that, I am grateful. Just remember, when life tosses a stressful situation at you, you always have a choice to do the right thing while still holding onto your boundaries, communicating effectively and not do so much for others. It’s okay to say no and it’s okay to be confident in being yourself so as long as you feel inner peace. We cannot help how others respond, but we can help how we respond and how we feel internally. The key to bringing who you are back is to never, ever blame someone else. It was your choice, as it was mine, to live in the way I was living. It is on me to bring back the person who was a joy to be around, it is on me to bring back the inner peace and it is on me to love in a way that makes me feel good which in turn makes others around me happier.

In order to correct our bad behavioral patterns, we must first look in the mirror and make a resolve to be better today than we were yesterday. It is on us and only us, as an individual, to make internal changes that create a more positive external behavior pattern.

4 comments found

  1. We also sometimes suffer from trying to help too much. Some people don’t want the help in the truest form, they just want things done for them. We have to learn to say “No”!

  2. I love listening to inspirational speakers. My favorite are the TED talks! I could use help with all of these issues you mentioned so I’ll have to check them out.

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