Brandy Ellen Writes

NH Blogger|New England Traveler|Positive Thinker|WAHM
How to Talk About Topics that Set Partner Off

How to Talk About Topics that Set Partner Off

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I think that you see signs when in a relationship, like you can see things that bother you but you are in love or clouded that you just don’t let them stay on the surface. I firmly believe that some of those things you shove down aren’t important, or deal breakers so to speak. I also believe that other times we shove things down to avoid the yelling, door slamming or inability to feel closure. We all know our relationship best and we know what subjects will be easily discussed and moved on from, and which ones just won’t go anywhere. Just like everyone else, I have learned this and sometimes it’s difficult. There are times I need to talk, I need to vent and I need to get it out and allow what I am feeling inside to be heard. The reason being is because if I keep shoving it down like this, without closure, I will eventually feel so dead inside that no emotions will exist towards the person I’m with.

I can keep the peace for about a year or possible two, if living in a way that there are true deal breakers or issues going on. When I have logical and reasonable concerns, feelings of being hurt and just this instinct that things aren’t good for the person I am, it frustrates me if I can’t get closure or at least feel as if the person I’m with cares about how I feel in a way that they truly want me to feel better and feel bad for making me feel so hurt. How can you address these concerns with your partner when you just fear the conversation will go south and then leave you without closure?

I think that you see signs when in a relationship, like you can see things that bother you but you are in love or clouded that you just don’t let them stay at the surface. I firmly believe that some of those things you shove down aren’t important, or deal breakers so to speak.

How to Talk about Sensitive Topics

  • Learn how to Say things – if your partner seems to get edgy or angry toned whenever the topics come up that you need closure for or discussion about, then try to figure out another way to say them. I can’t guarantee this will work, as it really doesn’t work for me on some important topics, but it’s worth a try to keep attempting to say the topic in a new way.
  • Determine if Worth It – if you fear the confrontation and you know that no matter how you say something it just won’t go over well, then determine if this discussion must happen. There may be friends or therapists you can talk to and get through this issue without having to really bring the light of it to your partner.
  • Pick a Good Time of Day – select a time of day when you both are awake, not overly tired and in a comfortable position. Trying to discuss sensitive topics at the end of a long, tiring day will lead nowhere good as you both won’t be in the mindset to hear each other out. You will know what the best time of day is for you both; learn to use that to your advantage.
  • Make a Decision – if all else fails and there are just certain topics eating at you but you still can’t figure out how to get the discussion to happen in a healthy way, then perhaps you need to make a decision. This can be to bring in a third party person to help in guiding the conversation towards a solution or giving up completely and figuring out how you can move on from it.

Whatever you do, just know that you are in the right to feel the way you feel and if you ever fear your partner won’t listen or will slam doors, not speak to you and so forth, then there’s something deeper going on there that isn’t right. More of us, including me, need to start standing up for being treated the way we deserve to be treated, for being heard when we have concerns because honestly if we continue avoiding topics self-esteem, confidence and health will fade away. No other human being on this Earth is worth losing who you are or having health issues over.

I think that you see signs when in a relationship, like you can see things that bother you but you are in love or clouded that you just don’t let them stay at the surface. I firmly believe that some of those things you shove down aren’t important, or deal breakers so to speak.

Believe me; you can get through things with the person you are in love with. There are options; everyone has learning curves, yes even in the middle of a long relationship or marriage. Healthy relationships won’t leave someone feeling unappreciated for long stretches of time, they won’t destroy your self-esteem and will not leave you living in fear. Know when to stand up for yourself and fight for what’s right, regardless of how your partner may respond. You matter too and mental health is just as important as physical health, if not more important sometimes.

Brandy Ellen is a born and raised NH resident who enjoys living life to the fullest. Raising 3 kids and a pug, Brandy spends her free time writing for her two blogs – ParentInfluence and Brandy EllenWrites. Brandy is also a ghostwriter for other blogs, click here to hire Brandy to write for you.

11 comments found

  1. I agree that picking battles is important! I also think you make a good point about picking the right time of day — this can make a really big difference in how a difficult conversation goes.

  2. This reminded me of that meme I saw the other day that says, “I am afraid of saying what I feel because it might hurt others, so I just keep it to myself even if it destroys me.” I believe that to keep a relationship healthy, we must be honest with ourselves and to our partners. We must feel at ease letting our partners know when something’s not right. Mutual respect and understanding is the key.

  3. Sometimes there are topics that are really hard to discuss but we really have to make an effort. I think that it’s important to know how to say the things so nobody will get hurt.

  4. I know that there are certain times that don’t end well having the tough conversations. When we are both racing towards the day or overly tired don’t work for us.

  5. These are great tips, I think everyone could use some help or even just a reminder of how to get through these difficult. situations.

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