Let’s talk about something that might hit close to home: those moments when someone says or does something that completely baffles your brain. You know the ones… when you walk away replaying the conversation over and over, wondering, “What just happened?”
Whether it’s a co-worker, a loved one, or even a stranger online, some people just seem to leave your thoughts spinning. And if you’re like me, you might have developed a habitual way of reacting, maybe with frustration, withdrawal, sarcasm, or over-explaining.
But what if you could change that response?
What if confusion didn’t have to lead to chaos in your mind, or conflict with others?,
Here are a few practical (and gentle) tips I use to shift the habit of how I respond when someone confuses my brain:
1. Pause Before You Respond
When someone throws a confusing comment your way, try not to react immediately. It’s okay to say, “Let me think about that for a minute,” or “I’ll get back to you on that.”
This pause gives your mind space to breathe and gives you the power back. It’s not about freezing or avoiding; it’s about regaining clarity before reacting.
New habit: Choose stillness before reaction.
2. Ask Yourself: Is This About Me or Them?
Not every confusing interaction is a sign you’re doing something wrong. Often, people project their own confusion, fear, or frustration onto others.
If their comment doesn’t make sense, ask yourself:
“Is this mine to carry, or is it theirs?”
This tiny inner question helps you break the habit of internalizing everything. It’s powerful.
New habit: Don’t absorb what’s not yours.
3. Choose Curiosity Over Defense
Instead of jumping into a defensive mode, try leaning into curiosity. Ask questions. Gently clarify. You don’t have to “win” the conversation; you just have to understand the message (or realize there wasn’t one worth understanding).
Say something like:
“I want to make sure I’m understanding you clearly. Can you explain that again in a different way?”
This allows you to stay grounded and clear, even when the conversation is not.
New habit: Respond with curiosity, not confusion.
4. Have a Personal Grounding Phrase
Sometimes, I whisper something like “Not everything needs a reaction” or “I choose peace over proving” when someone says something that spins me out. A simple phrase can act like a grounding cord that keeps you connected to your best self, even in the weirdest conversations.
New habit: Speak a phrase that protects your peace.
5. Reflect and Reset After the Moment
If you slip into old habits (because we all do sometimes), don’t beat yourself up. Take time after the interaction to reflect:
- What triggered you?
- How did you respond?
- What would you like to do differently next time?
That reflection time is the magic—it’s how the brain rewires, one moment at a time.
New habit: Let reflection be part of the change.
Changing how you respond to confusing people isn’t about being “better” or more perfect; it’s about choosing peace over chaos, clarity over reactivity.
And like any habit, it takes repetition, grace, and a little humor.
You deserve to feel calm in your mind and steady in your heart—even when others don’t make sense.