On November 16, 2017, I made a conscious decision to be committed to myself. After dealing with so many issues that belonged to others, I had become depleted. I no longer felt happy, I no longer felt at peace and I could feel bitterness creeping in to consume my entire being. I worked hard for many years to master the techniques that brought me to be a positive thinker and to always ensure I lived a life that made me feel fulfilled. I lost that. I literally had been caring for so many other people’s issues that I became that negative person who had nothing nice to say and always had the need to vent. Something had to change.
That’s when I woke up and decided that I will no longer be the one to deal with other people’s issues. Of course, I have to be a Mom which means anything that comes up with the kids, I obviously have to tend to. My biggest change was going to no longer allow myself to be the brunt of adult’s who can’t get their own stuff together. I had been told for so long to think logically and to stop being emotional. I had been told to stop having my OCD to check the locks before bed or to go to bed with my car keys in my pocketbook upstairs with me. Little things that made me calm and were a part of who I am were belittled in a way that made me feel I had to hide certain parts of who I am and then it happened —- anxiety consumed me.
The Trigger that Says Wake Up
The trigger in life that tells me to smarten up and start following your gut again is anxiety. My anxiety was so out of control that I would cry at any little thing, the shower was used as a means to cry so hard that I wondered if the kids would end up knocking on the door wondering if I was okay. Luckily I blast music when showering so no one heard me. It was during these times of crying in the shower that some words from my middle child came to a front in my mind, “Mama you are crying all of the time. That isn’t good, you never cry this much!” He is my logical child who calls it how he sees it, without emotion attached. There was more to that private conversation but the basics are that even my children were seeing I wasn’t living my most fulfilling life and while they are children who don’t know everything about life, this child had a simple point that hit home for me. I am often saying I wish life was as simple as he makes it but it dawned on me, life can be that simple!
Make Yourself a Priority
If you start making yourself a priority and acknowledge that anxiety has crept in because your gut is telling you something isn’t working well for you, that change needs to happen, then you will start to be able to take back control of your life. There’s no reason for someone like me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder to be on medication for it when I know in my heart of hearts what has to happen to make me feel whole again. Here are some steps that I have started to take in order to feel at peace and I hope they inspire you to find some things you can change without completely uplifting your entire life:
- Saying No When it Doesn’t Feel Right – I feel so much better saying NO without explanation for new work or old work that just doesn’t make me feel good.
- Standing up to be Treated Better – this is a good thing I’ve brought back because it’s the example I’ve always been for my kids and man it feels good to demand better treatment.
- Trusting the Process – not worrying about what others think, feel or say and only being 100% aware of where my gut leads me.
- Being OK with Writing from the Heart – I stopped writing therapeutic posts from the heart to keep from being badgered but it was killing my well-being and inner peace.
- Accepting my OCD – I have mild OCD, basically, I have to check door locks before bed and it’s what made me feel “safe”, I’m no longer going to worry about if someone else finds that acceptable or not.
- Being OK with Putting Me First – this was another hard one for me, I’m a nurturing person so it’s easy to get caught up in taking care of kids & adults while putting myself on the back burner.
Mild Changes Do Help
If you think about it, each of the changes above are mild. They shouldn’t uproot an entire lifestyle, they are simply a few little ways I can start to heal and feel better. I have let others emotions, issues, and feelings on “what should be” get inside of my head in ways that diminished who I am at my core. While some days I still struggle, not so much with anxiety, but with the concept of remaining firm on trusting my gut again, each of these changes help to inspire me to keep moving forward towards living a life every human being deserves – one in which you feel fulfilled, complete and at peace. Each of us deserves to have the simple right to live free, to live happily and to live in a way that suits us without fear or ridicule or negative commentary from anyone else who doesn’t understand it.[clickToTweet tweet=”“In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.” — Dalai Lama” quote=”“In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.” — Dalai Lama”]
My biggest tip to inspire you to start putting yourself first is to ensure you don’t make HUGE changes. Too many big changes at once can be counterproductive. Take steps to feel fulfilled and your loved ones should appreciate the happier, more fulfilled version of you. Cheers to making your next move a positive one, stand up for YOU and always listen to your gut, it guides you forward for a reason and it never steers you wrong!