With all of the work I am doing to try to reconnect and feel that guide, I often spend time alone or as alone as possible in this space I live in.
Luckily, I do have a bedroom office space and two balconies that allow me to have some space to sit and be still with my thoughts.
The other night, I sat at the dining room table in candlelight alone for three hours. My sons were in their rooms doing their thing. That’s the weird or bittersweet spot of having older kids; they tend to start to have their own lives, and you sit here alone more often.
It’s such an interesting space of time in my life. I have one child who only has one year and a half before he is legally an adult, although he has already graduated from high school.
I have two other children who are legally adults at varying stages in their lives.
And so, as this time has come … it is my chance to reconfigure who I am … after raising kids for half of my life, it seems that … it’s now time for me to reconnect with who I am supposed to be and start this personal journey to help the world be a bit brighter.
I try to eliminate expectations, although that part of the journey is hard. We have families we have built, friends we have connected to, and places we have called home for so long that it’s hard to let go and trust in some instances.
The moving part came easier. Applying to various spaces to live that fit certain criteria, we had and then finding that the White Mountains area just a short distance from an ex was the space to live. I admit, it seemed odd on the surface or concerning but I am not afraid of that.
I was concerned about having my children so close to that old historical memory for them, but I remember God leads us where we are meant to be. Sometimes, as a family unit, it isn’t about the whole or the one, it is about some or only one. We never know for sure.
I do know that I have had such great awakenings up here in the White Mountains. I know that this place is magical to my soul, and I feel calm like never before. I feel drawn to the look at the mountains anywhere I go and recall a time I first climbed Mount Washington Auto Road and stood at the top … looking at the space up there to realize just “how small we really are” in comparison to what Great Spirit has built for us to love.
The time is nearing for me to continue to trust this path and trust this nudge. For once upon a time, I didn’t listen to that nudge. I let it become so quiet that I stopped hearing it. I will say that my nudges don’t come by way of “voices” really; maybe it’s a song I’m drawn to listen to, or maybe a movie, but typically, it’s this full body feeling of goosebumps and tingles or pings … those are my signs.
Everyone is different, but it is in the calm spots of life, those silent movements where you are connected and grounded into the Earth, that you feel it … or sense it … that draw to go in the direction meant for your spirit to go.
Trust it.
Detach from expectations. Detach to outcomes. Detach to human desires. Connect to Spirit.