Sometimes you have to do a lot of head-butting and soul searching while you are stared in the face with chaos. As an adult, you can’t just slip away into your bedroom and leave the adult world behind. Each day you have something that requires your attention. So how do you work through the internal chaos that consumes you to sort things out and come to a reasonable decision?
Each of us will go about it differently and each of us may be dealing with different internal chaotic issues. How do you share a one size fits all approach to an issue that isn’t one size fits all? I suppose you cannot. With that being said, I still wanted to share a few tips on how to work through those internal struggles so that you can wake up a week, a month or even a year later feeling content with the decisions that you made.
Focus on Priorities
If you have children, then you know their needs will always have to come before you. That goes with money, emotional support, driving them where they need to go, spending some quality time with them and doing things to teach them life lessons and skills. Next, if you are married or living with a partner, they will come in play secondary. Your relationship is just as important as raising those children because when the children are grown, your partner will be the one standing there with you on a new adventure in life. Prioritize the following things in this order; making money aka working reasonable hours, tending to children, mending and igniting the passion in relationship aka the connection and bond, and then put yourself here where you find some alone time to sink into your own thoughts.
Let Things Go
There is no way to reverse the damage done within a relationship or as a parent. Moms have an incredible ability to drive themselves insane with these guilt trips of being a failure. No parent, either mom or dad, ever gets things right the first time. We are imperfect human beings who will respond inappropriately, consequence without legitimate reasoning and neglect to take the time to be the patient parent we should be. Our partner isn’t perfect and so with that comes wounds that will occur through the term of the relationship. Both partners will have times where they say and do things that don’t suit our ideals. Learning to let things go and only focus on having a conversation around deep issues that must be resolved will help the relationship grow and in turn, you feel better. Letting things go doesn’t mean you let someone walk all over you, it simply means you are allowing mistakes to be mistakes.
I have always despised the word content. To me, I felt the word content was a negative word. In my mind, I think that you should never be content with life, that you should be passionate and full of life. The problem with my personal theory is that life is chaotic, parenting is hard and loving someone is hard. When you have a life full of difficult scenarios that come and go, being content can sometimes be an absolutely positive experience. I say this because sometimes being content allows you to stay firm on your long-term goals of parenthood and relationships while still keeping a bit of your sanity. Learn to be okay with being content through the difficult times, because difficult times will pass eventually but if you make a hasty decision based on wounds that you can’t let go of, you may not be happy with your decisions for the long haul.
Learn to accept that we have to grow as individuals, as parents and as a partner in a loving relationship. Sometimes that means we have to learn more about the personality and beliefs of our partner. Each of our beliefs may change over time based on experiences which grow us wiser. If you are struggling like I have been for months now, then I say try to let unimportant things go and discuss those important items, and lastly, learn to be content with the in-between stages as chaos slowly settles. A the end of the day all that matters is that you feel as if you are making the right decision for yourself and for your children. That is all we can as human beings, live life to the best of our abilities based on our own experiences, intuition, and wisdom.
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