I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – life is unpredictable, and lately, it’s been pretty freaking unpredictable for me. I have lost it a couple of times, and I’m sure to lose it again. Why? Because I am holding onto survival mode once again.
No answer is clear. No question is fully resolved, and once we have a yes solution to one thing, that goes and changes because of some other unpredictable life occurrence, that was no fault of our own, comes into the scene.
Yes, my friends, life is unpredictable.
I don’t know what to tell you.
I wish I could tell you that no, life is always on the straight path, it’s this linear way to be, and that you won’t ever encounter sorrow, sadness, bouts of depression and anxiety, or other feelings that most of us don’t wish to experience. I can’t tell you that, for it wouldn’t be a realistic portrayal of life.
For me, right now, my biggest fight is within myself, that feeling that my other half should resolve it all. That he is the man and he should just step up and resolve some unrealistic problem that neither of us can really resolve in just one sitting.
But, here I am being honest. That’s this subconscious feeling I have, or should we say “expectation”.
And that, my friends, is what I am going to talk about below, EXPECTATIONS.
Oh man, it’s hard being brutally honest with yourself, sometimes. At least, that is my struggle. I can be honest with others, but looking inward and being HONEST with myself? A little harder of a concept for myself when life is being unpredictable.
Spoiler alert: sometimes I am not reasonable. I have emotions, hormones, and stressors that cause my brain to get all tangled up and my heart just spews out unreasonable fears … aka my anxiety takes over.
Usually, this happens when I am expecting things to go a certain way. Be it my unrealistic expectation of my other half to resolve something he simply can’t resolve any more than I can. Be it the unrealistic expectation that we have a solution for something else going on in this chapter?
It’s all expectations that cause my anxiety to flare up and play games with my mind & heart.
When your emotions are on high due to an expectation not being met, your inner child comes out or shall I say lashes out to play games. When I lash out, I have this instinct that I shouldn’t be responding this way. That I am being unreasonable, but the part of me that is the stubborn ego won’t seem to give me the power to stop it. I let go of all control and let the ego be in control in this moment, and that isn’t good at all.
Our Ego can get us into trouble. The ego needs protection. It needs to not feel hurt. It needs a lot more than our natural humanity needs. For real.
This, my friends, is all part of the healing process. It is all part of learning to grow and develop better inner dialogue, and inner contendeness, and to unlearn most of what we learned as our ego took hits from parents, caregivers, teachers, and others in our life over the years.
I have almost 42 years of life to unlearn, and while some of it, I am blessed to say that most of it, was worthwhile learning lessons that I am using today to heal the inner child and have less of those ego bursts, some if the experiences were unintentional harm to the ego that I have to unlearnd.
For, my intention is to always love, and not harm another human.
The ego, however, has its own expectations that can often overpower that inner drive to be at peace and love with all.
So, how can you start working on this healing process? So that the inner self is empowered & the ego is less empowered?
Just be honest with yourself and others. Say sorry and try to seriously do better next time. Learn breathing techniques, and do them even when the ego is at bay. This is so that you can be more proactive about handling the ego tantrums, as you’ll already have mastered the breathing techniques beforehand during your calmer times.
Learn and know more about how you work, what makes you tick, and what quirks may be causing this lash out or these feelings that you don’t want to express to anyone. You can do this by:
- Being aware that lashing out is wrong – as it doesn’t align with your values system of loving other humans.
- Becoming more in tune with how your body is responding in a situation – such as tensing up when something is mentioned or started to discuss, as this helps you understand more about what needs some healing (or attention).
- Being more realistic with your expectations, as I discussed earlier on in this article, my expectations are what often cause a ruckus with my inner child lashing out.
- Learn to adjust your outlook in life, knowing that it will be unpredictable, that life isn’t a linear path, and having a spiritual awakening to believe in something larger than yourself (whatever you want to call it, Buddha or God or whatever, will help you with this part.
Being in a relationship with someone is going to be hard for anyone. You are trying to combine two human beings with different pasts, expectations, and visions for the future. The more you can align with the basics of VALUE SYSTEM with a partner? The easier it will be to start the process of healing, changing, growing, and being more aligned with peace & love.