It\’s Not Them … It is Me

One of the biggest issues with people who continue to walk down these paths of resistance is that we often feel that it is always the other person, or something outside of ourselves that is causing this chaos.

Now, of course, we have experienced chaos from other people. I am not here to minimize other people\’s actions or choices that truly do cause chaos among others, but I am here to recognize that we all are capable of causing chaos, and that we do attract what we are truly feeling and believing internally.

The thing is that our belief internally and that feeling within is so deep that someone who has not become openly aware of who they are, how they show up, and what some of their deep shadows are will not recognize that they are truly attracting that chaos that they supposedly least desire.

I am guilty of this, as well.

I am not above any idea I share from the shadow or the light side. I am still fumbling through this thing called life as I choose situations from a space of fear or survival, and run from spaces that could lend eternal, balanced love.

Why? Well, that is what I am working through. I am not so much working on the WHY, but rather recognizing that I am attracting things in my life that I\’d rather not deal with. This means that my internal radar, or my aura and belief system, has been hijacked again.

Hijacked by my thoughts and beliefs, for I\’ve been in a situation of lack or survival for a handful of years.

Yup, once again, I was choosing situations based on how I felt I should be for another person or my family, whatever. I was doing what I have done and been \”trained\” to do since a young age; put EVERYONE else before myself, and then feel some sort of way about it that leads me feeling bitter, resentful, and less than worthy of the light-hearted, whole-hearted love that everyone should have and does deserve.

What you are is what you will get flowing into your awareness.

It sucks to wake up and realize the truth of your situation; that you chose things out of fear or survival mode, or thinking you are doing the \”right thing\” rather than trying to come from a space of trust and love deep within your soul.

It sucks to realize that what is flowing into your life is coming from a space of lack you\’re holding onto within yourself.

This all sucks, at times, to wake up to that shadow side. It absolutely hurts at first, it feels defeating, and it makes you wonder if you should even bother to work through this. It makes you wonder if you\’re too old for this shit, or if you will be able to have the strength to choose yourself without fearing what your mostly adult kids will think.

Let\’s face it, I\’ve now exchanged \”what will my parents think\” with \”what will my mostly adult kids think\”, two sides of the same coin, my friends!

The reality is, it actually doesn\’t matter what anyone outside of you thinks. It doesn\’t matter what they feel or what they believe, or if they\’re upset that you\’re not living how they wish you would.

Oh, and the other side of the above statement is that those people you worry about think very little of your actions. They do not think about YOU as often as you think about yourself!

All that matters truly in this lifetime is that you\’re following your desires that come from a space of love and light, not lust and jealousy or doubt and fear – love and light! Annnd the only way to know if your choices are stemming from this space is to spend time with yourself, sit with yourself even when those less-than-desirable feelings come into your awareness, send love to your younger self that resides inside of you somewhere begging for the love and light they couldn\’t get when they were younger.

Through this, not around it, you will gain clarity and a deep sense of love within yourself, and the fear I mentioned above will start to diminish; slowly, the heavier feelings will begin to lighten. You will soon realize what your true choice should be, and you will mostly trust it until one day you fully trust it, and give yourself a pat on the back for doing the hard thing in LOVE.

I leave you today with this thought …

What if you were sitting here alone in this world, and no one that you fear their judgement or feedback from existed; what choice would you make today that sets your HEART and SOUL on fire (in a Way that Doesn\’t harm others on Purpose, and helps you feel lighter, as if you could float up with the clouds)?

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