There’s a lot that can feel worse than feeling as if someone no longer feels the way they used to. You miss the kind words, that whole stage of compliments when you truly felt like you were on top of the world. You get comfortable, you get used to hearing those nice things and you get used to feeling love through these kind words and gestures. What happens when those things disappear? When those compliments no longer come? What happens when you feel as if what you loved is no longer how it is? Well … the first problem is that we get used to appreciating these kind words, compliments and gestures. They make us feel like we are on top of the world and like we matter most. We get used to hearing such things and feeling this way as a result of someone else. It’s like we get comfortable with that.
You Got Comfortable
When those moments disappear, as they will no matter who you are, it’s difficult to get back to a place of feeling confident, appreciated and even happy. When you get into a relationship it seems you get comfortable, you think that those compliments will always be there but they will not. Time passes, life happens and eventually this content feeling comes over the relationship. This content feeling can be confused as a broken relationship, when really that’s sort of what happens in a long term relationship. This is like a broken version of history repeating itself. You get so comfortable having love based on those feelings, based on thinking that your partner will always be the same – giving compliments, speaking highly of you but then it goes away and you are destroyed.
How to get over that feeling of not knowing that you matter to your partner?
While I don’t have all of the answers as this is something I am working through and learning as I go, I will give you some tips on what’s helping me through it.
How to Regain Control of Your Emotions and Self
- Get Your Mind Back – you spent so much time allowing yourself to feel something based on your partner’s actions or words. This happened slowly without realization. It’s normal and natural to have this happen but now you need to fight to get your mind back! Work each day to focus on something that you love about yourself so your confidence will get back up without feeling like you need your partner to be on point with compliments or gestures.
- Focus on Your Strengths – remember what your partner used to compliment you about? Those are some strengths that still exist even without your partner saying it. You got used to having your partner confirm these strengths, which made you weak. Get your mind back to a place where you don’t need someone else to confirm your strengths, you just know them and are proud to have those strengths!
- Let go of the Hurt – this may be the most difficult part, because when we are so deeply in love with someone we tend to be a bit more sensitive to feelings. Learn to let go of the hurt that you feel due to the loss of these compliments and gestures. It’s not your partner’s intention to make you feel this way, chances are they do love you because they are a part of your life! Try to get the negative feelings of hurt due to loss of these moments removed from your heart & mind.
- Communication May Work – sometimes communication can fail during times when you feel this way but it’s worth a shot! Try to talk to your partner in a way that gets them to comprehend how you feel and why these feelings are creating a situation where you feel numb. Where you feel you no longer know if their love is alive and well. Basically you have developed insecurities because you grew accustomed to feeling “on top of the world” and then it disappeared. Talking with your partner may help clear the air which will help the relationship get back on track.
You Can Matter Most and Still Love Your Partner
There are many relationships that end up being in this state of mind. We are imperfect human beings with feelings that can get hurt or boosted during the time of being in a relationship. You and your partner have changed in ways that matter to the other. When two people can learn to discuss those feelings in a way that leads to compromise, confidence boosting and a level set of emotions then the relationship can easily bounce back. Work today to let go of having others maintain so much control over your emotions, learn that your relationship will not make or break you – because at the end of the day you matter most!