She Walked Down the Hallway

As she walked down the hallway of an empty house that wasn’t hers, she had to wonder if this was how her life would be from now on. Worrying about whether she was valued as a top-level priority to some extent, and respected in a way that she deserves and desires. Is it all she was meant to be in this lifetime, someone who cherished her sensual energy but wasn’t too keen on her everyday parts, such as her pet, her anxious moments, or even her insecurities that pop up occasionally during the trials and tribulations that come with a life well lived?

What is it about this house that makes her feel so at home, whilst feeling so far from home at the same time? Is it a deep knowing of a past she cannot recall? Perhaps it is simply a new face and environment with the same challenges she sought to overcome? Had she really changed?

Did this man she felt connected deeply to, really feel the same, or was he simply in love with the idea of the possibilities she brought to his life? While it is true that each of us is a mirror to the other, could it be that this mirror is a familiar pattern that she has seen in herself, therefore is seeing it in another, and that’s the cause for the anxious upset stomach?

Is it the change of seasons in her life, with grown-up children who have their own lives and goals to get to accomplish? Is it the hormonal shifts of emotional rollercoasters that occur at this season of life? What is it that she is holding onto that is causing such sorrow and nervous energy?

She isn’t quite sure the answer, perhaps it is a combination of all of the above combined with the fact that she just realized that she never feels good enough for the true love that she gives, although she will give it freely, a part of her is still nervous, that deep part that recalls a time when she was pushed away for showing too much love, or caring too deeply; these pains are the shadows side of this woman who needs to let that younger inner child know that she is worthy of a love that is real and legit like the love she gives.

She needs to know that she’s done her best raising her kids, and while this season is hard as she has spent a majority of her lifetime raising these kids, and putting them as first as she could, the season she is in is one where she gets to experience growth, love, and support in the ways she had given to others and her children over the years. She needs to know that it is okay to feel this anxiety about not being good enough for this deep love, but if she continues to worry and continues to question that she will cause the exact outcome that she is fearful of.

As she walked down the hallway of an empty house that wasn’t hers, she confidently stated that this was her home, too. She was welcomed in with much thought and consideration, and if not, then let that be on the shoulders of someone else. She need not worry, for God provides the things she needs. She need not worry, for God knows that regardless of external circumstances, she is always protected, guided, and loved.

Sometimes the human world isn’t quite ready to let go of its clinging to past stories. They have lived so long in the life they built that they cling to the historical patterns of their ways, for they know not how to escape that pattern. They can see it, they can discuss it, and they can change it, but it will take a significant act of self-love to wake up from this pattern that they’ve created over the years to keep the peace.

She can see this in the others, for she lived it! She once was stuck in this pattern of trying to keep everyone at ease and in peace, but one day she woke up and realized that in doing so, she was merely destroying the life she could be living, the spirit she had within her.

Through her efforts to maintain some element of peace for another human, she lost herself, and she decided to make a new choice. She decided to speak the hard truth, and to step out of her comfort zone into a new life that led her walking down the hallway of an empty house that wasn’t hers, where she faced herself in the mirror once again to make a new choice, aligned with the person she wishes to be today.