I’m a goal-orientated person. I like having something to work towards. Whether it was working towards helping my children learn how to react healthy to a frustrating situation, grow my relationship, or build my business; I enjoy having goals to work towards.
A goal allows me to meet an expectation I set for myself.
I’m not sure if it’s being the firstborn child that helps push me forward or whether I am simply built this way. Whatever the reason, I know that I work best when I have a mission to accomplish. This mission is best defined as a goal.
A goal is the object of a person’s ambitions or desires. A goal is something someone aims to accomplish by putting forth effort based on what they desire.
I have a lot of ambition and desire, perhaps that’s the Scorpio side of me. I am passionate about many things and I’m extremely loyal to people and goals once I have my heart set.
With all this being said, it’s hard to set goals when you’re not aware of what you truly desire and deserve. If you feel that you don’t deserve the best life, the best job, and the best of everything then you might struggle with setting goals. You’ll think that goals are a waste of time for life is unpredictable and you always get taken down whenever you try.
I understand this feeling. I had this feeling not that long ago. I once had high self-confidence. I knew I was meant to do great things in this life. I was confident in the direction I had chosen in 2006, to work from home and use my skills to make money online. I worked hard, often neglecting to be present in my family life.
I became so laser-focused on making money to survive that I lost sight of what was most important – my true purpose in life and my family.
In time, I ended up in unhealthy relationships and ultimately had a shock to my core to wake up.
Sometimes, we need to go through those unpredictable life moments to shock us into reality. My reality was that I needed to start learning how to say no, set boundaries and be okay with others who might not like me saying no.
I had to learn that saying no for the right reasons put me on a better path to say yes to things that helped my end-goal.
If you think no one else has felt disappointment, had unpredictable life situations, or never been the victim of a bad decision then you’re wrong. We all face disappointments. We all face hardships. We all have challenges. These things may be different for each of us, but the feelings are the same.
Today, I want to focus more on how you can use those feelings of disappointment and frustration to get back on that horse and aim towards achieving your goals.
You can move forward.
You can be a better person.
You can survive.
You can set and achieve every goal you’ve ever dreamed of.
How do You Set Goals?
I spent two years feeling down on myself. I was tired. I started drinking more alcohol than ever before, except perhaps during my younger partying days, and I avoided all of the feelings or bad things that happened.
I wanted the feeling to go away. I wanted to not feel anything. I missed my kids. I missed my previous life. I missed everything and yet there I was making choices that put me further from my true goals and purpose in life.
We all have those moments. We make horrible choices to numb the pain we feel from heartbreak, disappointment, or stressful situations. It’s human nature to want to avoid the pain from being hurt.
BUT, you can’t let yourself sink continuously. Do not let that bad situation define you for the rest of your life. Do not let that person or situation that took you down be your defining moment.
Refuse to let yourself sink so low that you can’t get back up, ever. You lose everything and everyone when you opt to let bad situations define how you feel and live.
Now that I got that out of the way, how do you set goals?
If you’re trying to climb up from a situation that really damaged your spirit, then it’s best to set a small goal at first. This goal can be something as simple as writing 600 words every day to finish your novel; the novel being your end-goal. This goal can be replacing that sugary snack for a carrot or celery stick every day; weight loss/good health being your end-goal.
There are many small daily goals you can set that will give you that one-day task to achieve as you work towards a larger end-goal.
I feel it’s best to start with small daily or weekly goals when you’re climbing up from a negative situation.
Write down a list of what you want to do with your life. Do you want to write a novel? Do you want to start a blog to make money? Do you want to become a teacher? Do you want to work as a veterinarian? What dreams did you have before the negative experiences of unpredictable life patterns diminished them?
Listen to your inner child and dream big! Write down every desire and dream that comes to mind. Nothing is off-limits!
Evaluate this list to determine what is realistic at this moment in life. Remember you’re just coming back from a negative experience so you’ll want the first goal to be something simple, realistic, and attainable given your current state of mind. I love setting huge goals but that’s because I’ve done (and continue to do) the hard work of getting back to my life’s purpose.
The larger goals you had in mind before everything fell apart will come back. Give it time. Right now you need to start achieving little goals so that you spark that inner light within your soul back to life.
Make a commitment to at least one small goal on your list of what you want to do with your life. Make a commitment to achieve at least one of your small goals on the original list you created above. This choice must be made using your instincts, being realistic with your current state of mind, and something you feel is important.
Being aware of what you can push yourself to do during this trying time is how you’ll start to build your confidence up and start working towards living your true purpose. Each small goal achieved will be one step closer to feeling alive again!
How do I achieve my Goals?
Now that I walked you through the steps that I use whenever I’ve fallen into a slump to set goals and get back on the goal-orientated bandwagon, it’s time to tell you how you’ll achieve each of these goals.
You’ll achieve your goals by setting daily tasks that help you get closer to the end-goal. I gave an example of the daily goal to write 600 words so that you get one step closer to having your final novel written. Determine what you can do every day to complete small steps towards your final goal.
Celebrate the small wins every day. Perhaps you messed up and ate a sugary snack today when you set a goal to eat carrot sticks every day. This small “loss” is just a choice you made. Try to refrain from defining your daily choices as good or bad. Look at it as a learning curve. What can you do tomorrow to make a better choice to achieve your daily goals? This puts your mind back on the right path and allows you to celebrate the small wins of the day; in this case, you’d celebrate that you recognized the choice you made deterred you from the end-goal but you’re willing to make a correction now.
Maintain realistic expectations and be adaptable. The process of getting yourself to achieve long-term goals by completing small daily goals is going to take practice. You’re going to need to be repetitive every day and be open to adapting when those unpredictable life moments happen. You’ll need to keep an open mind that no matter how motivated you are to light that spark of life again, that things will happen to test you. This is just how life works and you must learn to be realistic with your personal expectations and open to adjusting your daily tasks to fit the current situation.
This is a lot of information to take in, but it’s all very personal to me. This article has been written by a woman who once had high self-esteem, and knew the direction she wanted to go in. This woman (me) had tunnel vision and only saw what she was going to accomplish. She had these amazing goals and knew that she was going to succeed! Then life took a few turns, she made some decisions that brought her into a different lane, and now she’s working to get back on that positive lane that helps her continue living her life’s purpose.
I know that anyone out there can use these tips to start thinking about who they are and what they can accomplish rather than sulking in self-pity about what happened to ruin you. Focusing on what you can do, rather than what’s already been done to you, is the best way to build inner strength and rebuild that child-like daydreamer you once were.
You can do this! Get started today!