That Tug to Solo Time

As I sat there in silence, just listening to the birds sing their song, and watching the trees move in the distance, I had this nudge, or a message come to me, not a \’hearing voices in my head\’ sort of noise, but rather a thought.

This thought was that I need to have some solo time. I need to be alone. Nothing made me feel as though I had to burn down or run away from my entire life I had helped build, but the time has come for me to shift into a solo mission. I need to do this.

Here\’s the interesting part: as I was talking with Justin, I realized that this issue is not new. He recognizes it, too. I have had many a times been tugged towards a solo mission but I often got distracted with things that shine bright or reduce the human fear, a night of drinking too much alcohol, or I allowed the fear of the unknown cause me to go backwards in trusting this nduge so I would just stay where I was at or lean into a new relationship that only left me feeling this asme way in time.

No matter the person, the experiences, the good times, or the not-so-good times, one thing came to my awareness almost every single time – the need to be alone. The need to have time to walk with myself and learn who I am, what I truly want, what is it that God is trying to nudge me towards, that I keep staying too busy to truly listen to?

Why is this nudge here?

The first step I took this time around, when the nudge to be solo for a bit came into my awareness, was to make sure that it wasn\’t coming from a space of running away from anything.

How do you check if the nudge is here because it\’s a survival (fight or flight) habit that you\’ve developed?

• Check in to see how you truly feel – do you feel any tension within your body or heart racing as it does when you feel like you are in danger?
• Check in your journal to see what\’s been flowing lately – have there been signs to work on your inner being, and become a better version of yourself or to become more whole?

The top two choices will let you know if you are being nudged to be alone because you\’re scared and want to get into the flight mode of avoiding a new experience that may be challenging, or if it is coming from a space of least resistance, where you need to be guided toward being reconnected with your entire being to be more fulfilled internally.

Consult a Tree

IF you are feeling tension, then it may be a nudge that has kicked in from fight or flight mode. Take time to sit with the trees and listen to what they say. If you can touch the tree, please do so. Here\’s what I do to make sure the right direction FLOWS easily to me:

I find a good tree that looks comfy to sit underneath. I actually have a favorite one that sometimes I sit with and face another tree in the distance that \”speaks\” to me as well. I have a pad of paper and a pen, and sometimes I also have a favorite book.

Once seated, I can hear the birds, the water, the wind, and the leaves hitting each other even when there seems to be no wind. I allow myself to become fully present in listening to these sounds, and then I do whatever I am guided to do – be it writing in my pad of paper, or reading my book.

Whenever I am guided to write something during this time, it is often something that comes from a space that is connected to me, but not really \”mine\”, if that makes any sense. While it is obviously a part of my inner connectedness to the whole that is sharing whatever flows from the tree, to my heart center, to my hand where the pen is, oftentimes what is written is something that feels very new to me when I read it at a later time.

This is what I call being in my flow state.

During this time, it seems that God is helping me work through some things, or provides a message that I must publish online to help someone else out there in the world. As I continued to do this practice of sitting with this tree, I started to realize that the nudge of solo time is truly coming from a space of something I must listen to this time, as it is an important step towards my spiritual journey to become more of who I am meant to be in this lifetime.

I feel a calmness, but also fear, you know, when you have lived your entire life with roommates, boyfriends, kids, etc, it is scary to think that no one will be there to save you.

The reality of this \”fear of no one will save you\” is that there are people there for you that help save you, but it\’s not in the ways you once thought were \”saving\”.

How I explained this solo mission to some is this:

Spiritual and religious people from all over do a solo journey somewhere as a means to be reconnected with their God. This is no different. It is a calling that I can finally listen to, after raising kids for 23 years. I must listen, and I must trust that this guidance is to help me become better, and in turn, inspire, encourage, and help us become more connected as people in this world.

I know this sounds odd to some, but I do share this with people and see their visual responses and feel their energetic responses. Some get a blank look and are so confused, others tease me about my cray-cray ness, but overall, most are intrigued by my ability to truly trust this guidance.

And it all began in the White Mountains of New Hampshire, when I awakened to something within me that wants me to be better, do better, and inspire or guide others through being whoever I am meant to be in this lifetime.

I won\’t pretend that I am not sad. I won\’t pretend that I don\’t have fear. I won\’t pretend that this is easy.

I can say that I trust it, and I know that after sitting with my tree day in and day out, writing from my heart whenever something came to me, that I must trust this guidance and continue on in the path that God is leading me in. Many a days I have sat with the shadow sides of me that I once pushed down, and come to realize they were pieces of me that someone else was afraid of, that someone else didn\’t want to me to have, and that God made me this way for a reason; the exciting part is to live it and learn what the reason is.

I want to remind everyone that when you are working on trusting your nudges in life, you really need to discern where it is coming from to the best of your abilities. The reason is, we have these old habits that are more aligned with fight or flight, so we must be absolutely certain (or as certain as one can be) that this choice is the right one for this time in your life for growth, rather than a step backwards.

Make a choice, and go with it. The worst that will happen is that you circle back to the same situation you were in with a different face and have to attempt to do this all over again. Either way, it will be a beautiful adventure.

I leave you today with a thought … or a question to ponder for yourself: What if no one else mattered in this moment; you had no kids to take care of, you didn\’t have a partner to run things by, it was just YOU. And in this YOU-ness, you can be whoever you want to be, you can do whatever you want to do. Money does not matter. No one will judge you, either -> WHAT WOULD YOU DO RIGHT NOW IN THIS LIFETIME BEFORE YOU HAVE NO LIFE LEFT?

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