The Answer Comes intuitively

We all have an answer to a problem or think we know how \”we\’d\” handle that situation. It\’s easy to assume how we\’d parent, or how we\’d handle domestic abuse, until we find ourselves in the middle of the situation.

You see, when it\’s you dealing with a scenario, you have to handle it much differently than you imagined. My assumption is that it\’s super simple to lend advice on how to resolve an issue when you\’re outside of it.

We find it so easy to point fingers at this or that, obviously being the reason why something or somebody is \”so wrong,\” but what if I told you it isn\’t that simple when you\’re inside of the situation?

When emotions are invested, it changes a person. It changes how you\’d otherwise handle a situation had you been watching a loved one go through this. When you\’re emotionally invested in any relationship with your children, marriage, long-term significant other, or even the emotions you have invested in a business opportunity or *gasp* politics, or religion, the solution is not so black and white to you.

The solution is a little more difficult. Not because it is more difficult, but rather, we make it more difficult due to being emotionally invested in whatever story we have told ourselves about the scenario.

You\’ll almost always handle these situations completely differently than you imagined if you were involved in the scenario. That said, I invite you to practice pausing before sharing your judgment on the situation.

You\’re looking at this situation from the outsider view, and recognize how you\’re placing judgment with \”what I would do is this …\”, or \”how would I handle it is this …\” and recall a time when you felt like someone was judging you for not doing what they felt was the right way to handle something.

Did it make you feel supported? Did it make you feel good? Did it make you feel valued?

I will assume it didn\’t make you feel very good.

It may have made you feel worse about the situation and as if no one could help you because no one understands.

When you observe these moments of how you want to lash out or provide some \”big solution\” to someone about their scenario, a \”this is what I would do\” sort of thing, it doesn\’t help the person experiencing the scenario.

It makes them feel worse and less seen or heard. This is where I invite you to notice when you are about to shift into that ego mode of \”you know better\” or \”you know the right way to do this\” and pause to see where this person is coming from instead.

Are they sharing the story for guidance? Are they sharing to gain insights into the situation based on someone who also experienced it? Maybe they are seeking something else.

Maybe pause that ego auto-pilot mode of trying to share the \”RIGHT\” way to do something or respond to them with judgment, and ask them how you can help or if there\’s anything you can do.

This, my friends, is not only how we form better connections and expand our communication between others, but we start to unite with each other and expand this unity further out into other relationships and people as we try to increase the light in this world.

This, this is how we increase goodness in the world; through our changed behavior and actions towards even the most difficult people or conversations.

A Story on Me Showing Up Like This

I can often read a story online, or hear someone\’s woes in real life as I work at the store, or walk downtown on my walks with my son, or I take my barefoot nature walks, even hiking, I can hear the most amazing and interesting stories from other humans in our world. Basically I I believe I have an invisible sign that says, \”tell me your story, I will listen\”.

And so, people do!

And I love it!

I love every moment of hearing these stories, and sometimes I am shedding a tear right along with them. I get right into the story with my heart and hearing what they\’re feeling and saying, it\’s just so magical. I love every moment of it.

While listening, I try to read the body language and tone of the person, and I quiet my mind so that it doesn\’t think of anything except this conversation during this encounter. Essentially, one could say I am practicing the power of now by Eckhart. That said, I don\’t realize it\’s a habit I\’ve created until I start writing like this and realize that I\’ve created this habit over time.

I call it being the observer, and many spiritual teachers will discuss this theory. How I use it isn\’t just about observing myself, but it\’s about observing others so deeply and curiously that I can ask the right questions, and engage in a way that makes the person feel seen, valued, and heard.

There are areas where I am really good at observing, and still other areas where this practice needs some more growth. I love it though, that just means more fun on this life journey to LEARN and GROW AND LOVE!!!

So, my friends, when engaging with someone, try to listen to what they\’re saying, and observe how they\’re saying it, and listen for curiosity\’s sake, not \”being right\”. I suppose that\’s what I am trying to say here, that I love listening to learn about someone, not to be right or to push my belief system on the situation or experiences ONTO them.

May more of us practice this observing for connection more frequently.

Much love.