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Their Happy Isn’t My Happy

Repeat this mantra; “their happy isn’t my happy” whenever you start feeling that human emotion of envy or jealousy. This feeling happens on autopilot and the last thing you want to do is let yourself get too deep into autopilot again.

Autopilot is the space in which your mind or the ego, just lives and breathes as it wishes. You don’t do much to control it, or redirect it, you simply let it do its thing. This isn’t a safe way to live, because the mind or the ego as it is sometimes called, will take you all over the place.

The ego wants to be the most important part of your “self” and in wishing that, it makes you feel jealous, envy, angry, or sad whenever someone else seems to have a “better life” than you. I want to share an example of when this happened to me and how I talked myself off the ledge, perhaps this example will help you use this habit to chill the ego a bit.

How to Turn Your Ego or Mind Around to Your Path

I was surfing Facebook one day and happened upon a photo that included two of the girls I used to hang out with for a time in my teen years. We worked together for a bit, and at one point we were cheerleaders together for a bit of time.

I remember because we would do cheers in the local grocery store together. These are the moments that make me smile. Cheering for me, albeit a brief part of my teen years, made me feel like I was a part of something for the first time in my life. I will forever remember that feeling because being a part of something larger than myself; it’s one of the highest priorities in my life. It is why I try to give to others through listening, funding, or whatever I can in the moment I have to give.

So now, back these girls, back then I felt close to them, but in time we grew apart. I failed off the cheer time at some point, and I had other things in my head back then that seemed to pull me away from this type of lifestyle. I now am in a pretty awesome place in my life and on my spiritual journey, so that path back then led me to here today which means it was the right path for me as of today.

Okay, back to the story.

I saw these girls, now women, on my Facebook feed somewhere. I think they were in a group or something. I saw them all in one photo with another woman and my heart sunk. I saw their smiles, and they just looked so happy to be “a part of something”.

In that moment right there I thought, “They looked so happy to be a part of something” When I thought that, the mind ego decided to pull me into a space of jealousy or envy for a split moment. I felt my stomach sink, and my eyes started to tear up, and my heart felt off-kilter for less than a minute or maybe a full minute.

I quickly realized that I was allowing this smiling photo on a social media site of women in makeup, at an event I’m not interested in, and a group of women I am not interested in being friends with in this season to make me feel like I was missing something.

No, Ego Mind.

Just, NO.

Just stop it, Ego Mind.

That’s literally what I said to myself.

And then I had questions.

Yes! I ask myself questions. ALL OF THE TIME!

Once you get the ego mind to stop what it’s doing; basically sinking you away from a natural human emotion of joy towards something unnatural like anger, sadness, or feeling left out. It’s time to do the next step, ask questions!

I had to ask myself some questions like:

  • Do I really want to be a part of that clique?
  • Do I really want to do what they’re doing?
  • Do I have any interest in wearing makeup or looking “like them”?
  • Do I really want to be these humans?

NO. No, Ego mind, I do not have any interest in being these women.

I appreciate them. I think they are beautiful people. I love their hair, their smiles, and how they dress. But I do not want to have their hair, their smiles, or their clothing. I want my hair, my smile, and my clothing!

I want to live closer to the spiritual world and have as few material items as possible. I want to be wealthy in the ways of the natural world and be free to do what I enjoy doing in my life.

I am on a spiritual journey and I am on a journey to get closer to nature with fewer attachments in this world to the material physical world. I want to be calm. I don’t wear makeup. I love my hair. I actually love my eyes and the sparkle they make when I smile.

I love who I am, and I love who they are.

That is OK.

You see the above practice has saved me a tremendous amount of stress, anxiety, fear, and sadness in a moment that otherwise didn’t matter in the larger picture of my life. This is why I constantly tell people to pause from social media.

Just that one glimpse of a photo of women, friendly women, from my past, made my ego mind trying to spiral out of the peaceful nature I’ve been living, towards a more ego-centric mindset of feeling less than valuable.

The Ego Mind Self tried to take me back to a moment of the old me, rather than the moment of who I have grown to be. The ego doesn’t care about your growth, it wants to be the best, to be noticed, to be seen, and to be the center of all things. Ego wants to be alive front and center and more often than not it sounds like a toddler stomping it’s feet because life isn’t going their way.

And the thing is, you don’t have to put down the lifestyle of these other women to uplift yourself back to the space you’re meant to be in. Notice, I never said these women are awful people or ugly or anything negative about them. These women are beautiful and they seem to be happy in their life.

I am just getting this through a photo. Albeit, they don’t look at me when we pass in real life, it’s like I am no one to them. In that moment? I used to feel a bit hurt that they didn’t even smile at me in passing as I do with nearly every human (strangers included), but now I realize that not everyone desires that connection or realizes that we are all connected.

And that isn’t wrong or right. It just is.

And some people just don’t see or notice me.

Again, slow down Ego, you are not the center of the Universe. 😜

I am grateful I saw their photo for now I know they are alive, seemingly healthy, and enjoying life however they’re living. None of that is my business. My business is my life, my family, and how I am thinking about and treating others in this world.

When was the last time you had something like this happen to you? Do you think this practice of redirecting the mind by asking questions could help you? Let me know. I’d love to hear your stories.

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