I’ve kept a lot of my personal life and troubles close to the chest for a bit now. The reason for this switch is that I’ve actually become more protective and guarded of my life. After all of the crap that I’ve gone through and the good in the last handful of years, I’m at a point where I really feel frustrated. I’m mad at myself for trusting a variety of people. I’m annoyed that things keep spiraling up then down. I just want something to be stable for a while.
The thing is, even with all of these feelings and circumstances that have sucked, I will forever make the best of it. I’ve lost track of the dates. The time. The month. It’s crazy really. For a person who used to be so organized with her own life, things surely are chaotic.
While I sit here feeling all of these negative emotions and occasional pity party feelings about everything, I know that there will be light. Something has to give and things will eventually get better. It’s the in-between that sucks and honestly? I can’t share it all. I don’t need everyone knowing exactly what’s going on. It’s none of your business.
You can’t help me. You can’t fix it. So why should I share it now? I’d much rather stay positive, share the positives and continue to try to make a living online so that I can pay off debts and find resolve for once and for all. Thank you to those I’ve vented to, my positive group of friends and family who listen when I just need an ear.
It really wasn’t one thing in particular that spiraled this life right now. It’s a lot of things. I undervalued myself with work, which led to overscheduling and not enough income. I finally got rates alright and I started having my health fade. Then I made drastic decisions to get that health stuff straightened out, which is still a little off but was mostly stress by the looks.
Then some things turned out great, others not so great. So while you read this blog or see my social media updates, remember that I too struggle behind closed doors. I too have negative things going on that have been rather difficult to stay positive about. BUT I DO IT. I have to stay positive, for it’s the biggest thing that keeps me pushing forward for resolve and change.