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Thinking Back Five Years

I’m reading this book called ‘The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire’ by Deepak Chopra. I found this book on a free pile in Cornish, NH last week and to be honest? I cannot put it down.

I am drawn to read this book as often as possible, because the information inside is just amazing. It makes me think … speaking of which, during the first chapter Deepak invites you to go back about five years.

It reads something like this;

You’re invited to close your eyes and think about to the last 24 hours about something in your life. Thinking about how you feel, what’s going on in your life, and so forth. Then pick a theme.

This theme may be a relationship, friendship, finances, or something else. Pick just one theme. While you hold onto the “theme”, go back five years on this day. Think about where you were then, how you felt, what this “theme” that you picked was like at that moment five years ago.

Take a moment to really feel where you were back then with this “theme”, and then take yourself forward through the steps of choices, and incidences that occurred to get you to here right now in the today with this “theme”.

It’s crazy to think about how this small practice in the first chapter of this book helped me so much. For those who don’t know me, my name is Brandy Ellen and I am always on this journey of being more appreciative of this life I have on Earth.

Over the 40+ years, I’ve had on this Earth, the optimistic attitude I seem to be born with developed into a wiser version of itself. Each experience brings me a new way of thinking about life lessons, life in general, and the world around me. 

I am always open to receiving, but sometimes, so I have learned, I may be closed off without realizing it. This is why I am so grateful today to have the time to spend with myself. The time to read all of the great books on theology and psychology. 

To learn more about how we create the world we live in, and how connected we all truly are in the Quantum part of this world. 

I admit, Deepak Chopra you have me ready to get your book done quickly and buy another one of your beautiful pieces of art! I am taking my time though, to soak in each lesson and every word so I truly comprehend this and can use it in my life. 

I am fascinated with the world which we don’t typically see or experience. 

Only those who become extremely enlightened seem to experience that level, but using the example above from this book? That is one step closer to becoming enlightened.

You will start to notice all of the choices in your life that brought you to this moment right here. Just to get a little personal, I want to share my story with you, the one that took me back five years int his first chapter of ‘The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire’. 

My Visit of Life Five Years Ago

I wasn’t sure of what “theme” to choose, so I just started the opposite of how Deepak said to do it. Of course, I did. 🤷‍♀️ I rarely do things as instructed, I always have my own little twist on the process and it works for me.

I thought back, when was five years ago? Oh! That would have been May 2019. IN May 2019 I was living in a rental home that was more like an apartment attached to my then landlord’s home.

I can go further back as to how I neded up THERE, but this practice is about FIVE years back ONLY. On this day, my previous dog, Jenny the pug would have been alive still. I was feeling a bit stressed out, for Jenny was getting ill due to old age, the kids were doing OK, I believe 2 of 3 were homeschooling and the 3rd just started his homeschooling journey by now.

I was working as I do now, as a freelance writer and blogger. The landlord was OK but I felt suffocated living so closely to a landlord that was moody to say the least. I felt like I was being spied on and well, I probably was, but nonetheless, I wasn’t in a good head space in May 2019.

The emotions I recall are; nervous, sad, confused, and tired.

After getting to that point, five years ago, Deepak says to start slowly moving forward until I get to today; May 2024. And when I paused to do this, my friends, I started feeling this huge sense of gratitude, and love!

Not every choice or path crossed between May 2019 to May 2024 was sunshine and rainbows, but the beauty of where that journey led me to today? That made me feel so full of gratitude and love.

I was thinking forward, so somewhere between May 2019 and June 2019, I had to put my sweet Jenny the pug to rest due to old age heart failure. My three kids were there with me at the vet, and we all cried a lot. It was a super sad day. 

It took me two years before I finally stopped feeling some sort of pain in my heart that was prominent from the loss of my sweet pug. I learned that the grief of a beloved pet, is real, and it is hard. 

That would be the first step toward finding out that finances were pretty tight. Jenny the pug’s fee at the vet was large, but it had to be paid and done. Then I fell behind on the weekly rent.

Do not ask me why I got this rental for weekly rent when I get income/revenue MONTHLY. I just wasn’t thinking clearly when I signed the lease. 

I finally realized that I would be without a home again, it was the only option. I sadly started getting a storage unit ready and packing the things we wanted to keep up. The kids and I had done this once before about a year prior so that wasn’t new to us. 

I sadly left a lot of things behind that I didn’t mean to, which is part of why I now am not so attached to things. I realized that, while some of those “things” were sentimental to me, they were just THINGS that I cannot keep with me in the next world my consciousness goes to. 

I have a much easier time letting things be unattached and letting things go in a flow than I could have back in 2019 had I not gone from May 2019 to May 2024 in the way I had. 

The moment that I was drawn to recall as a theme during this practice was that at this same time, my ex-husband was also about to be homeless with his Mom. He was losing his house, or something like that, and about the same time I would have to be homeless, he would have to find a place to live.

I was opting to live in a tent with my kids. Yes, I know how crazy that sounds, but it is what happened. Sadly my firstborn couldn’t handle the tent stuff, it made them sick so they went to live with their Dad during this stage, and to this day, I wish they had been able to stay with us on this journey because I missed time with them so much during this season. 

My ex-husband asked if he could stay with us to camp out during that first few night stretch, and I said yes. It was weird thinking about it, but sounded normal. We were always nice to each other and had a decent friendship.

So this one choice, having him and me end up homeless at the same time, about to go live in a tent together … was the start of where I am now in May 2024. 

To sum up the rest, this led to us getting a rental house in November 2019. It led to us quitting smoking in April 2021 as a team. Our landlord there passed away in 2023 I think or 2022 maybe. A year after his passing, his adult kids wanted the house and we had a month-to-month lease at this point; it was a year-long lease turned month to month after that first year. 

So we left in a motorhome. Oh yes, we bought a motorhome at some point so that we would never be “without a home” again, which came in handy during the summer of 2023 when we had to leave that house and stay at campgrounds until we saved for and found another rental property. 

We did so much more, but that one decision to ask about camping with his sons and me was the biggest thing that happened to lead us to today where I am finally in a space where I feel safe, secure, and peaceful.

It’s funny you know, the things we desire that come true in a way we never imagined. I’ve always said I wanted safety and security in my life with another adult. And I got it. I just didn’t get it in the way that I envisioned nor with the person I thought. 

Life is funny like that. God aka Source knows just what we need and you will get it if you desire it. It may not look the way you thought or be the way you planned, but if you practice this looking back five years thing? I bet you have this eye-opening moment where you can pinpoint that one decision that spiraled you into today… 

I invite you to take a moment today and pick a theme, go back five years, and see what story you craft up about your life “then and now”.

I hope it leads you toward a moment of gratitude, love, and appreciation for how far you’ve come. 


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