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Welcome to Thursday Thoughts: Rambles with Brandy Ellen. A new weekly ramble fest brought to you by the letter F for frazzled and the letter E for entertaining. 

I remember the day that I found this rental home, I met the landlord and she was super nice. She is super nice! I viewed the home and felt that it was workable for the trio and me. I felt that it was within a similar price range as any other rental and after what I had gone through I wasn’t quite ready to rent a home in the middle of the woods, alone. I knew for my own growth and safety that I wanted to rent something that was near other humans. I am ever so grateful that this family chose us to rent to. It’s a good fit for the most part. I just struggle with paying so much for rent. Period.

Racing Thoughts Consume

With the winter season comes winter blues. The shorter days, colder nights, and lack of sunshine really curb my attitude. In addition, I had other stressors going on like whether I was going to have to relive an event from my past at a trial as a “victim” or not. I have a teenager who passed drivers ed, $600 later, and now needs to do the next steps to get a NH driver’s license, which will cost more money. I could go on and on about the costs of raising three kids on one income. Yes, I do get child support for two of my kids and that’s rather helpful, but it still doesn’t help in a way that having two adult incomes may help. At the end of every week I hand over my rent money and feel accomplished, but I have been neglecting other financial areas because I’m doing the best I can.

Finance Struggles Are Real

Let’s face it, we all face financial struggles here and there. I believe struggles are simply part of adulthood. It’s how it is. I rarely stress out about financial stuff, I’ve grown accustomed to figuring things out as they are tossed at me. I work hard every day and things usually work out for me. I used to say and believe that everything works out as it should for me. Things just have a way of working out, but I lost that thought pattern for a little while. I had been stripped of all my self-confidence, strength and independence in a relationship where my own growth was discouraged and I was often yelled at and treated crappy simply for succeeding in my own personal goals.

Personal Growth IS Good

I remember when I rebuilt my credit score to a number that would allow me to get a home loan that I was yelled at for being excited about it. At that moment, I realized that no matter what I did that this man would never, ever be happy for my own happiness. It had to be about him. That’s a really crappy way to be. For months I relived this scenario in my head, and wouldn’t allow myself to grow. I paused. I suffered both emotionally and financially. I had it drilled in my head that I wasn’t “allowed” to succeed or achieve my own goals. It took counseling and my own personal work to gain that confidence back. It took surrounding myself with some awesome, positive people who are real and want me to succeed to get it back.

Yay! I am Back on Track

Today I am finally on track. Today I finally feel better. I am achieving daily goals and feel so awesome. I am excited to see other people experience success for their goals. I cheer them on! When they’re excited and happy, I am too. That’s how friends and real life should go, we all should be happy for each other. We have some long-term goals in the Brandy Ellen Fam that will be achieved come spring time. I was getting frustrated with the long-term goal, feeling down on myself and anxious about the idea of a trial so much so that it was wiping me out again. I talked about it. I accepted that’s why I wasn’t working to my best potential or being the best friend I could possibly be. Time passed, and as the shutting of that door came closer I felt something inside of me get excited. I felt passion come back. I could feel the door beginning to close from a chapter where my trust was shattered and I finally had started to set daily work goals.

Week 2 of Earlier Days and Week 1 of Daily Goals

Today, I am in week 2 of getting up earlier to work different hours, leaving me more time to balance everything in my life. I feel better. I feel like these winter days aren’t going to consume me completely and before I know it, we’ll be in the spring season with new goals and a new chapter to enjoy. I set myself some daily financial goals this week and here we are on Thursday. So far my daily financial goal has been accomplished. Everyday. I can see the light again. I have hope again. I have love again. I have passion again. Every day I start to feel more and more alive because I’ve chosen to surround myself with real people who keep things real and real people who remind me that life is precious.

YOU GOT THIS

If you’re struggling with something in your life, it’s okay. We all struggle from time to time. We all have our down days, weeks and even months. I say that you acknowledge that feeling. Learn to accept that you feel a certain way and then figure out why you feel that way. Once you realize what it is that’s causing you to feel this way, and you open up to a counselor or a good friend, you’ll find that it releases you from that negative emotion and allows you to live, love and have passion again. Take one giant baby step forward today. Know that we all are suffering from something, but we don’t have to suffer alone. Ever.

Cheers to fabulous friends, the blogging life, and the ability to be who we are without judgment!