One of the more difficult parts of being honest with yourself is to know when your emotions are out of control. They say, “When you are fully connected with God, you do not have a lack of self-control.” That is a story I’ve told myself for a bit of time now, but is it true?
Absolutely not.
We are a spirit living in a human body, having a human experience. Human beings are walking contradictions. To always be non-paradoxical is to try to achieve an unattainable goal. You will merely drive yourself insane attempting to be in control of your emotions at all times or attempting to be more consistent in what you say and do.
I believe actions speak louder than words, and while I mostly believe that to be true, I also have come to realize that human beings get tired, get emotional, and get stressed the F out. Human beings are not able to be fully consistent at all times in every situation or every season in life.
It is not possible.
That brings me to the topic of my writing today … right before I sat down to write this, a male cardinal bird stopped by the feeders, encouraging me to pause, reflect upon my behavior of late, and remember that I am not who my hormones make me to be.
What about hormone changes with age?!
This part of the human experience is uncontrollable, and with many women, it is extremely difficult to deal with if you’re a man who has no emotional awareness. Heck, it is even hard for men who understand the shift! While I believe men and women are all out of whack in Western Societies today, our balance of masculine and feminine energies is slowly coming into alignment. There are people in marriages out there who are trying to balance.
The man is adjusting to being who he must be, trusting that his wife will stay with him through this challenge. The woman is starting to trust that she can be who she is meant to be, trusting that her husband will stay with her through this challenge.
Men and women experience a variety of hormonal changes in their lifetime. We seem to accept those changes in society when men and women are younger. We will say that they are going through puberty, roll our eyes, and carry on with our day.
When we are older, and our hormones start to shift, many walk away from us. We lose friends. We lose connection with beloved family members. We may even lose our marriage.
All because of a hormonal shift that so few discuss.
Now, I am not saying that these emotional outbursts, or cries of frustration due to hormonal shifts, make the lack of self-control acceptable. No one should have to go through these shifts that seem so unreasonable and heartbreaking.
What I am saying is that, if we can become aware of our partner and how they are shifting in life. Be it a parent who is experiencing empty nest for the first time, a woman being in menopause, or that peri-menopause phase so many mention; if you can become aware of what your wife is going through, and try to approach it from a firm space of love, Faith, and committment to your sacrad connection … you might get through to the other side!
I’ve been using an app, and no, this is not a post sponsored by the app! I want to share a way for married couples to learn more about the wife’s cycles in the relationship. This app is called Lively, and it is ranked pretty highly to help younger women track their cycles for better pregnancy rates or to reduce the risk of pregnancy. It tells you when you’re ovulating, and how many days until the next period, and so much more!
You can insert symptoms you have day to day, so that when you’re starting to feel a little out of control, you can have some data to prove that this is just a pattern of a monthly cycle with your hormones more so than anything based in reality. This has been somewhat helpful for me!
Although this is the hard part: one must believe during their heightened emotional state, the logical data from the app side, and that is proving more difficult than even I thought it would be. Basically, you must trust the data you inserted during that time of the month when emotions are running rampant.
I have started to put my data into this app over a year or so, and it has opened my eyes to how impossible I can be about 3-5 days before my period. Combine that with living in a situation where I actually have some deeply rooted feelings of connection, and it is a recipe for disaster when my hormones shift me into this state of feeling vulnerable.
You see, the experiences I have due to my own choices have taught me that you cannot trust human beings. To bring it back to the way I started this blog post, human beings are walking paradoxes. We’re not always consistent, and we make mistakes, hence why we go to confession to be right with God, in the Catholic tradition.
That said, I have not been to confession as I am still learning about this tradition of Catholicism. The point is that even Jesus taught us to be gracious and kind, for each of us is fighting battles we know not of. I know I see friends on Facebook quite often asking friends to pray for whatever is needed, and that God knows what is needed.
It is true.
God knows.
Whatever your belief system, I can tell you that, between my obsession with Quantum Physics, my beginning study of some religious practices, and Buddhism, I know we have a life force in us. In fact, my Master Reiki certification taught me about this life force and how to use it to help others become more aligned.
The thing is, I do not believe this life force is ALL ME. I believe that my “healing hands” are a talent that comes from God’s light within me. It is something He endowed me with, or blessed me with, if you will.
At the end of the day, God knows. God loves us. I firmly believe we are all created with a purpose, not everyone achieves their purpose fully, and that is okay. I feel that this journey of hormone changes is hard on me, but I also know, in my entire soul, that God put someone in my life who can love me through it. Just as he put me into this human man’s life at this phase in his life, for God knows I will love him through his challenges.
So, my friends, in all honesty, I wanted to share a piece of my heart with you today from a space of love, grace, and hope in the human race. I believe it is time for women everywhere to give themselves some grace. Between raising kids into adulthood and missing them terribly amid hormonal changes, it is no wonder we may go a bit coo-coo in our first phase of empty-nest life.
My Advice for Men Married to Women in this Season
Men, out there in the world, please hold on tight to your woman. She knows not what she does in these vulnerable times. My advice is to find a way to plead reasoning with her, hug her tightly, and be that firm but compassionate partner she needs during this time of the month when she literally is like a big baby.
