Leave Brandy Ellen a Monetary Tip

When Life Comes Tugging

It’s so easy to get lost in the daily life of an adult. The tug and pull in many directions can make your mind feel like it is spinning. Your ego wants you to be selfish and do things just for you, while the inner self has other ideas, and then your brain, don’t get me started on your brain.

That computer (the brain) typically wants the shortest route to anything you desire. It will make you think someone behaving in a specific way means X when it means Y. That computer we in our head is ancient, so we must learn to meditate or pause as I call it, to learn what we need or want in this season of life.

I cannot tell you what you should do or need to do, as each of us has different obligations in this season of life, but one thing I know a lot about is knowing what doesn’t feel right in this life and working towards a better solution.

What happens when you cannot change things right away?

The typical adult has kids, partners, friends, or family, among other things, to deal with. These responsibilities are a part of being an adult and come with their unique requirements.

Your kids need you in various ways throughout their lifetime. In contrast, your partner may need you differently, and your pets or other obligations, like a business or a job, may require you to show up at various times and in different ways.

For someone who feels BIG, these obligations can make you feel less than worthy, especially if you’re in the wrong-for-you environment (such as not having a supportive group around you or being shown appreciation in a way that makes you feel appreciated and valued).

I’ve been in pletny of wrong-for-me environments, however, they didn’t start as wrong. This is why I’m heavily addicted to being open to adapting your lifestyle to fit your season in life.

Each season we change, and these “seasons” can be two years, ten years, twenty years or somewhere in between those timeframes. They will be different in each scenario, but you’ll know it’s time to move along to a new “season” when that tug on your heartstrings, or your gut instincts as I call them, starts leaving you with less energy, sadness, and a sense of sorrow that you cannot shake.

If you’re feeling that way, well, you should do a few things:

  • talk to a beloved friend or family member
  • consider therapy
  • Make sure nothing health-wise is going on by visiting a physician.

These things will help you determine precisely what you need this season and perhaps a game plan for approaching the required changes.

The Struggles

The hard part of this will be to remain kind and patient while you work on this transition. Remember, it’s not your partner’s fault, your kids fault, the dogs fault, or the family members’ fault that you need a change.

You are human. We are meant to learn, grow, adapt, and move forward differently.

Some of us are more prone to needing these growth spurts than others, I am all about growth spurts and tend to think outside the box more often than not. This is why I feel suffocated when I try to morph myself into some modern idea of living.

I know this about myself, and until recently, I was never confident (or firm) enough to set boundaries and let myself live in a non-traditional way, but that’s OK. We can revisit our desires, opinions, and needs during every season and make a new choice!

I felt that sticking to my boundaries, thus hurting people unintentionally, meant I wasn’t a good human. <– This is a false belief pattern that came from childhood 😉

If you’re struggling primarily because you don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings or don’t see a solution, please pause for a moment!

It’s normal to want a solution today, but if this is a genuine feeling and need for your spirit, your solution will come when the time is right. The feelings of needing this change will not falter because this is a change you genuinely need.

Be Patient

One of the things you must learn to be comfortable with is allowing time to pass at the pace it’s meant to pass. You won’t be able to snap your fingers and stomp your feet like a little toddler to get your way right now.

Right now, you know that life is tugging at you. You know how you feel. You know what’s wrong, but what about looking at it from a different perspective to stay patient?

Consider using this concept to be patient while you work towards the future that’s meant for you in this season:

Take time to be alone. Try to take a drive to be somewhere alone, I recently did this by spending a weekend away from home, however, you can do this in many ways. Just drive somewhere to park near a lake or at a trailhead. Find a private space where you can park and just be one with nature’s silence or sounds.

Reflect on past experiences. This step is vital to ensure you’re not repeating a similar pattern of behavior. Are you just overwhelmed so your fight or flight system is kicked on so you must exit stage left? Perhaps you’re just looking for a solution because you want to escape the tug and pull of every day adult responsibilities? Figure out where this tug to exit stage left is coming from.

Consider a solution concept. The next step is to consider a good solution. If you’ve reflected upon your feelings of this tug to escape the situation because it’s not right for you, you can start focusing on what you want.

Many people get so focused on this one problem that they can’t open their eyes to a solution that would make them feel more balanced. First, You must ensure this isn’t repetitive behavior; a therapist or life coach may help determine that.

Use a therapist if you need to go deeper into past experiences and traumatic experiences.

Use a life coach if you need guidance on how to pause and discover a solution and path to succeed with this.

Work Towards the Outcome You Desire

The last step is to work towards the outcome you desire. You should be able to determine a good solution at this point. One that isn’t a repetition behavior will get you closer to where you desire to be in this season in life.

Ensure you feel confident about exiting this scenario to enter a new season in a different scenario. One thing I tend to do is sit on a situation for up to one year before I determine my solution, what do I want, and is this solution worth all that will come with it?

No matter what you do with this particular issue, another one will arise. Life is full of challenges and situations that may not always be 100% right for you.

All I can say is that you should make choices and solutions that align with the person you want to be.

The person you are today after learning to set and stay firm on boundaries.

The person you are today after doing more inner work to realize that you made a choice many years ago, that you are now trying to keep yourself stuck in out of your belief system of “well you chose this once way back then so now you must suffer”.

That is not how this works, my friends! You do not have to make yourself pay for the decision you made. We all have decisions that end up tugging at us, requiring us to change in a new season of life.

Just be honest.

Be prepared for hurting others feelings on accident.

Be prepared to be okay with this decision.

It will get harder before it gets easier, but I know that as soon as you’re settled into this new season of life, things will feel a bit lighter.

Keep going. One day at a time.


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